New Insight Finds God in Ivory Tower

God is in an ivory tower. Perhaps like this one, though probably higher.

New research by the conservative think tank, The Institute of Dogma and Fidelity (IDF), also known as ‘Control-Right’, has determined that God does indeed dwell in an ivory tower. They also stated that he bestows his love on the world by shooting flaming arrows of his teachings and judgements, through the mouths of dogmatarians. The incarnation was a mere ‘day trip’ and it should be firmly understood that ‘love’ in all its forms refers to dogma.

In a surprise move, they also stated that Canon Law is now to be known as the ‘Totality of God’s Love’ and Holy Communion should only to be distributed to Priests and ‘other holy people’.

The IDF are now re-translating scripture to reflect the new information and is likely to contain lines such as ‘These three things remain; faith, hope and dogma, and the greatest of these is dogma.’ And ‘Speak dogma to God with all your heart, mind body and soul and speak dogma to your neighbour as yourself’.

When asked to comment, Pope Francis said ‘I couldn’t believe my mince pies when saw the press release, but who am I to argue?’