Priest Sets Swiss Guard on Man who Forgot to Pay for Votive Candle.

Lancaster parishioner shocked when three Swiss Guards come to collect a twenty pence unpaid votive candle debt.

Ultra-Conservative Groups ban everyone, including themselves, from giving talks anywhere.

In a self-defiant move, the ultra-conservative wing (Control-Right) of the Catholic Church has banned everyone from speaking at any Catholic events anywhere. This ban includes themselves.

Barnsley Catholic Right to Feel Self-Conscious at Charismatic Prayer Group.

Local catholic, David Briton, put his self-consciousness down to nerves during his first visit to his local charismatic prayer group. Only later did he discover that in reality everyone was actually watching him intently.

New Descant for Old Hymn, ‘Jerusalem’ Released

A new descant for the popular traditional British hymn, Jerusalem, has been unveiled. 'This is like Banksy does church music.'

New Insight Finds God in Ivory Tower

New research by the conservative think tank, The Institute of Dogma and Fidelity, also known as ‘Control-Right’, has determined that God does indeed dwell in an ivory tower.

Final Judgement likely to be a Latin test, says top Cardinal

In a surprise addition to the received wisdom of the church, Cardinal Friedrichstein of the Vatican’s Eschatology Commission, has declared that salvation may rest on our knowledge of Latin.

Nottingham Priest loses concentration as plain chant slips into ‘Someone Like You’ by Adele

Parishioners were left bemused as Fr Bill Mursell started serenading them with the words of the Mass but with the tune of Adele’s chart pop hit.