New Catholic Facebook Algorithms

Church isn't just for Sunday, now it's all over your Facebook profile too.

South London Parish Rumoured to be Trapped in Easter Vigil

Local residents fear for their relatives believed to be trapped in their parish's on-going Easter Vigil two days after it started.

Coventry Man Finally Removes Ashes from Forehead at Easter Vigil

A Coventry man, who wore his ashes throughout Lent has expressed his relief in removing them during the Easter Vigil. 'Have you any idea what that does to a family?' Remarked his devoted wife.

Newlyweds to Share With others the Blessings of Their Love. Pre-marriage Leader Worried.

Devout newlyweds from Northampton have expressed their intention to let their love shine further than just to each other. 'It sounds nice.' Said an anonymous source. 'But I've never known a couple as passive aggressive as them. Frankly they can keep that to themselves.'

Pope Plays Life-Size Chess with Cardinals, says Cardinal Queen.

An anonymous Cardinal has alleged that the Pope uses high ranking Church officials during games of life-size chess against other religious leaders.

Pope ‘Why am I the only one who washes the recycling in whole of Vatican!?’

An anonymous source has revealed that Pope Francis is 'sick to death of being the only one who takes care of the recycling at the Vatican.'

Ultra-Conservative Groups ban everyone, including themselves, from giving talks anywhere.

In a self-defiant move, the ultra-conservative wing (Control-Right) of the Catholic Church has banned everyone from speaking at any Catholic events anywhere. This ban includes themselves.

Man Catches Six Life-Threatening Infections after Imbibing Holy Water

A South London man who accidentally touched his mouth with Holy water on the way into church was rushed to hospital before Mass had finished.

Barnsley Catholic Right to Feel Self-Conscious at Charismatic Prayer Group.

Local catholic, David Briton, put his self-consciousness down to nerves during his first visit to his local charismatic prayer group. Only later did he discover that in reality everyone was actually watching him intently.

Catholic Granny Killed by Landslide of Miraculous Medals.

Newbridge parishioner, Ethyl Porter, perished under a deluge of holy trinkets she had been keeping in her wardrobe. An amnesty now exists for such items.